W A Y...out there
Tonight I am reporting to you a VERY unigue experience. I can only tell you how I felt and what I saw (in my mind) happen. It is as clear as could be. Even for me who can be a litte crazy out there as they say...this was W A Y out there.

Some of you will read this and say "wow". Some of you will say she has lost it. Some of you will say it is nonsense. It is OK what ever your response is.

Today I had my appointment with Dr Martin Rossman, the doctor who was to help me with my fear. Even thou I feel as if I am doing the right thing regarding my treatment, there are times that my mind takes over and says "but what if your wrong". Dr Sritter (the advocate)suggested I see Dr Rossman for help with my fear.

Dr Rossman would lead me into an "ineractive visualization".
We started by getting me relaxed. I had my eyes shut and he directed me to focus on different parts of my body. My mind did not want to stop talking or relax. I remember thinking " I'm not that relaxed". Then he asked me to go to my private place. This is a place that maybe I had been to before, or a place that I had created in my mind. It is a peaceful and safe place. That was fairly easy because I had created this place a few months back when I started meditating with Bernie Siegel.At that point my mind clicked in. Was I hypnotized, was I in a trance?

As soon as I was there, content and relaxed...my father appeared ( I know, I know ,it was hard for me to accept-freaky). I knew he was there before Dr Rossman asked me to do anything else.
I told Dr Rossman " my father is here". At this point I am crying and almost speechless ( yes, me speechless). Dr Rossman asked me to describe him. He asked me how was my dad acting. Well, my dad (and I am SURE it was his spirit) was very tender, compassionate, caring. Not how I remember him. Dont get me wrong, my dad was a great guy. He was the bread winner, the salesman, but not the nurturer, that was my moms role.
I asked why he was so different and he said that many things have happened to him and he is here to help me with my healing. He is here to help me, guide me, and I felt he had such knowledge and gentleness. He said I needed to calm down and not worry. I was on the right track with my healing and in good hands. He also said that he has been and will be sending people to help me. I need to take one step at a time. I told him," but I am a planner and I like to know the step AND the next step".
He said it takes time to set things up sometimes and I need to be patient. He also said that this healing experience is going to lead me to another part of my life.

It is hard to tell you every little detail. I can tell you I am drained-really drained by the experience. It was overwelmning, emotional, exciting. I felt like I was in a daze, or in shock when I left. In closing he told me that he was here and with me most of my days. That I can talk to him and get confidence of my healing, he wont let me down.
I love my dad and miss him. It was a shocking and overwelmning experience( I think I said that a bunch of times now!) It was NOT at all what I had expected.

My next appointment is Tuesday. I am excited and nervous as to what might happen on that day.
Love, Suzanne , a cancer survivor

FINALLY...
I found a doctor who says , yes, he does know of people who have won the battle of cancer without chemo. He is Dr Martin Rossman M.D.. He wrote a few books, one is" Fighting Cancer from Within". How to use the power of your mind for healing.
I had an appointment with him yesterday. Doctor Stritter thought I should see him. I do have an ongoing battle with my mind regarding kicking this cancer. In my quietest moments I feel I am on the right track, however all it takes is a 'doctor" from Kaiser saying that it probably isnt a good idea to go without chemo.
My mind will talk to me and say, all this natural holistic stuff sounds good , feels good, but what if your WRONG. Geez's it sends me into a whirl. I worry, and worry some more. Even knowing realisticly that worry is not going to help. It will create stress and make it worse.
So what he does is "Interactive Visualation". That means he will get me relaxed and talk to me, guied me thru some processes. Many people with cancer and other problems have gone to him with much success. While it sounds a little airey fairy, or "out there", it makes sense to me and Carl/Barry agrees. I go back on thursday @ 11am, it takes about an hour. I will report back what it was like. I have his book and I need to read a few chapters (homework) before I go. I also have his CD, but fell asleep last night while listening. Stay tuned, Love, Suzanne , a cancer survivor

WHOOOOOOOOPEE-WOW-YEAH and all that other good stuff!!!

Found out today that my CA125 (tumor marker) came down in the last 2 months from 35 to 27. That is great great news. My fear...was that it would be higher and I would relook at what I am doing to manage my care. I am on an extreme (for me) diet. Raw vegtables 80% and barely cooked 20%. Juicing in between. I have read so many books on curing cancer with nutrition that it appears it DOES WORK. I have read MANY case studies that SHOW how it worked. It is a little scary because I was brought up on western medicine. Its not right to go against your doctor etc. This curing of cancer by food is still very underground and questioned and critized by doctors.

My doctor thinks it is coming down because of the chemo I did a few months back. Maybe...who knows?

I am so excited I could open up a bottle of champagne...except I do not eat/drink sugar anymore.
For those of you who don't know-sugar FUELS tumors. That is huge!
I am happy happy and cant wait till next month when I do another CA125 test.
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

Doing OK, I have a request of you...

Many of you are praying for me. I thank you. I want to ask you to do something else along with praying. See me HEALTHY, in your mind see me healthy as can be. Healthy like I was last year. You could also share in my visulation, and that is see me healthy, up on a stage saying " Hi, I am Suzanne Robles and I am a cancer survivor"
Picture what the room looks like, what I am wearing (please be tasteful-ha ha). The more details the better.
Love, Suzanne a cancer survivor

Doctors report on bone scan

Doctor Ewing reports that the bone scan showed degeneration and NO tumors. Yeah!!
He has sent a note to Kaiser Pleasanton for a bone specialist to consult with me. He said a way to fix my problems would most likely be hip surgery. I told him I was not ready for any more surgery. He said it was probably too soon also.
So I continue to struggle to walk. And worry about the trips Barry and I plan to go on. How will I enjoy myself and not hold Barry back because I can't walk the town ( as we usually did). Pray for a miracle! Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

Feeling better...
Nothing much to report, but my leg is feeling better. I still have a very hard time walking. Michelle and I went to Cosco today and I rode in one of the carts they have for handicap folks. I guess right now I am handicap(cant walk a few blocks).
Monday I should have the results from the bone scan. I will be sure and reprt that to all of you. love, Suzanne. a cancer survivor

A REALLY bad day...
My left leg and left hip was in extreme pain this AM ( and still is). More than any other day. The pain is in the hipflexer and quad area. I had to leave at 7am for my bone scan appointment in Walnut Creek.
The Honda is a stick shift, I had to use my right had to lift my left leg to hit the clutch...very painful and sure not safe. I HAD to go.
It took me 20 min with a 4 prong cane to walk from the parking garage to the Hospital basement.
When the appointment was made 2 weeks ago I thought no problem. I'll go at 8AM for my shot then shop around downtown Walnut Creek, come back at 11am for the scan, no problem. Instead I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours.
I know, I know some of you are saying "why didnt Suzanne ask for a ride?" Because I had no idea my left leg would be so paralyzed.

Dr Stritter
Wed eve I had the phone consult with Dr Stritter the patient advocate. Barry/Carl was on the call with me. She had many helpful suggestions.
1. I must have a CA125 test each month
2. Try a different doctor at Kaiser Walnut Creek (she gave me a name)
3. Get a phone consult with Harvard or Anderson (both are cancer specialist) regarding using estrogen therapy for treatments instead of chemo. They have recently done these treatments.
4. Go to a specialist for "Inner Active guided Imagery" ( I have a lot of fear)
5. She says its possible to try 10 different things with each working on the cancer/tumor 10%. Meaning 10% X 10 = 100%
6. My tumor from surgery is in a vault at Kaiser. Ask Dr Kaufman( or new doctor) to retrieve it and have it analyzed to see what type of chemo etc would be effective. Cost $800.
7. Melatonion is good for cancer patients. Start with low dose and work up to as much as 20 mg.

I am sure there is more she said, thats all I can get off my notes.
This journey is a rough ride. Each day seems to being something new to challange. One day I'm up next day I'm down.

Tonight I will do nothing, really NOTHING.
If you call I cant return the call till my phone gets fixed. Long story, please contact me by email.
And I look forward to a better day on Friday. My friend Kate is coming to visit and she is always upbeat and fun!
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

And away we go...GOOD NEWS!

Dr Kaufman at Kaiser reports that my latest CT scan shows NO GROWTH of tumor. Now that is good news! However, it does not mean I dont have cancer. I still do and my body may always have it. It is a matter of keeping it under control.

Wednesday after noon I have my consultation with Dr Stritter, the advocate. I am hoping that in all the local Kaiser's there must be ONE doctor who thinks like I want him/her to think. I want a doctor to tell me there is HOPE, and that they have SEEN miracles and if I am ready to fight hard, they are right there with me.
I was thinking about the cost and time to travel to any of these Cancer Centers. There are Kaisers in Fremont, San Jose, Richmond, Martinez, Oakland and maybe more. I am paying for this insurance, why shouldnt I get what I need?

I know I have been telling you about the research I have been doing. Much of it is in the way of nutrition. Many of you know I have been a healthy eater, chomping on carrot sticks and salads all the time. Yet I am learning so much more about being HEALTHY...instead of "thin".
I have embraced the Cancer Battle Plan and THE PH Miracle. I start out with juicing ( for days!!)and supplements. Did I say, juicing and more juicing and MORE juicing ( that is to get the build up of bad stuff OUT). Eight times a day, that really keeps me busy. And keeping enough vegtables, you really go thru a lot! AND then there is the coffee enemas ( ok, I wont elaborate on that one!)It helps take toxic out of your liver.
It really is time consumning. The first day so far is the hardest. Today is my secound day and I am feeling Ok. I also am still taking the products from Oasis that boost you up. It gives me cell regeneration, supports my immune system nd powerful antioxidant protection. The idea of The PH Miracle is : if a fish was sick in the fish bowl, would you keep giving the fish pills/medicine to kill the sickness OR would you keep changing the water and having the fish in clean water. I hope that makes sense.
The PH Miracle is about balance of the alkaline and acid in your blood. Mostly raw vegatbles (80) and cooked veg (20). You eat nothing that has a face on it. That means giving up my BBQ steaks, wine and all those other good things. To lick this cancer I am willing. I must make radical changes in my life.
By the way, Barry has decided to try it out also. That support makes it so much more doable.
Ther are 3 things I want to heal and in this order. Cancer, left hip problem and regain my smell and taste.
On thursday I have a bone scan for my left hip. I have had trouble with my hip for a few years and recently it has gotten so bad that I cant walk very far, cant do my power walkiing that I so enjoy. Xray shows it is probably degenerative, but it is close to my left ovary , so Dr Ewing had ordered the test to be safe. They will give me a shot of "something" and I come back 3 hours later for the test. It must ulluminate my bones.
Sandy Molinari ( my friend who got me started on Oasis products) passed some info along that I would like to share.
In a book written by David Riccos ( 5 things we can not change) he defines a heroe.

Some one who has lived thru pain; been transformned by it and uses it to help others.

Many of you are hereos, and I want to be a heroe too.

Love, Suzanne a cancer survivor

WHY am I like this???

I am wanting to see Dr Stritter the advocate who will help me find the right doctor and right system to help me with a plan. You send all your info and a $300 check, they call you and set an appointment. They called thursday and told me Nov 15 is the first date available. I am bummned out-I WANT IT NOW !!! I am not good a waiting. And especially about some thing like this. I mean really, this is MY LIFE it's not like waiting for a massage or a facial. Geez's this makes me tense and I am suppose to RELAX. The office says I can be on a wait list, OK I will do that. But really, by the time you are wanting a person like this to help you... who would cancel? No one. Thats how I feel, after all this time of doctor snafu's who would cancel? I had no hopes. OR I could get an accelerated appointment, done after hours at a cost of $900. I must say I thought about it , and Barry brought me back to reality. We or should I say he has spent so much cash money so far on this learning journey.The office confirmned that it is very unusual for someone to cancel. So, I will wait.

And then at 4;40pm today the office called and some one cancelled. My appointment is Oct 11 at 4pm. I am sooooo happy.

So why am I like this? Why couldnt I have said, ok thats when the appointment is and let it go. Why cant I let it stay in Gods hands?
I'll tell you why...because I am a race horse and have been most of my life. Many things would not have happened for me if I hadnt hustled, or thought ,thought and thought about HOW to make it happen.
This is something I need to work on. No matter how I thought about this, it would not have given me an earlier date.
I guess I am STILL a nut case and will need to continue to work on "let go and let God.
Stay tuned.
With love, Suzanne a cancer survivor.

Ligtbulbs going off

Hi friends, oh so dear friends, how I value your love, support and williness to stand by to help at any moment. I appreciate your phone calls, just hearing your voices fills me up.

My life has been consumned with my determination to find the right doctor, right method of healing.

There is a Dr Ralph Moss ( see him online) who has researched disease for 30 years. He presents every possible viewpoint of that disease and what is offered. Could be doctors, natural, etc. It covers it all. The report on Mixed Mullerian Cancer is 450 pages and costs $300.
I researched him and thought long and hard before ordering. Wow, what a reort this is. He tells it all, cancer trials that failed yet were promoted as winners. How chemo may destroy the cancer, but there is no extra life span because the body is so damaged. There is plenty of stuff that makes you mistrust western medicine. Such as, did you know some doctors are paid xxx of dollars to get people to participate clinical trials. There is also really good stuff about western medicine. However I dont think the western medicine love him for pulling back the covers.
With 450 pages, I am only on 150. It is very heavy reading. I can only read so much at a time.
I am also researching how the body runs under alkiline conditions. Meaning if the body is too acid, it cant be healthy and would have a hard time healing. It is called the PH Miracle diet (see it online). It is quite extreme, however I am looking at it, or willing to trying most of it.
Tonight I watched Spontaneous Healing br Dr Andrew Weil. His words confirmned my thinking. He talks about what it takes to heal. He lists 7 things he has seen from his patients who healed.
1. Did not take NO for an answer ( became a difficult patient)
2. Actively sought out info-took charge
3. Sought out other people who have been healed.
4. Formned constructive partnerships with health professionals
5. Did not hesitate to make radical changes in their life
6. Look back regarding disease as a gift ( forced into a new way of living)
7. Cultivated attitude of self acceptance ( letting go of the fight)

These are all things I am working on.

I have done alot of things in my life. Such as, I said I am going to do THAT. Yet, I didnt know HOW I was going to do it. Step by step it all happened.

Onward and upward.

Love, Suzanne a cancer survivor

Ohhhhh, I had the time of my life!

Sat Sept 30, my sons, daughters in law, Barry/Carl and close friends threw a suprise 60th birthday party...And what a party it was! 120 friends and family.

ME the one that nothing gets by. ME the one who has an intuitive gut...never had a clue. Now I know my family and friends CAN keep a secret.

It was held at a rustic winery in Livermore with a huge barn. There was BBQ chicken, pork, ceaser salad...plenty of wine and beer and oh, the beautiful cakes.
Did I mention 2 bands? Yes, me a dancing queen was dancing all night along with all the other dancing queens in the barn. Some how this hurt hip that does not allow me to walk far and has an obvious limp lets me dance myself silly!

THANK YOU to all of you who came and made this such a joyous occasion.

My friend Jolene was a sneaky shil along with Barry/Carl in getting me there. Jolene has recently moved to Colorado and was here to visit friends and she came to my house for a visit sat afternoon. She says there is this brand new BBQ resturant in Livermore and my friend Tom and I are going to take you and Barry/Carl tonight. When Barry/Carl got home, he said Yeah, I LOVE BBQ lets go. Jolene says everyone dresses in cowboy hats and I know you have cowboy boots.
A way we go, Jolene driving with me, Barry/Carl in the back seat, we will meet Tom there.
As we drove in the country roads of Livermore, I thought--this resturant will never make it, way too far out to draw a crowd. We couldnt fnd the address and drove up off the road to ask at the nearest country house " Where was this BBQ place"". As we went up the driveway to the house I saw a dog and a large man standing in front of his house. I thought , he's going to tell us to get OFF his property.
Then Jolene says, "oh thats Tom". We make the easy curve to the right in the driveway and here are people tons of people. I say out loud-"I know some of these people...What, these are my friends???!!! WHAT is going on here???? Some one pulls the door open and they are saying Happy Birthday !!! I am in shock, really good shock, and I am crying.
So many off you worked your fanny off to make this a success. The event was seamless. When it was time to dance-tables cleared, folded and dissapeared. It was like that all night.

Everyone should have a suprise birthady party-EVERYONE. It is an overwelming feeling of happiness and love. I saw friends I have not seen for years and years.

Sunday a brunch at Joe and Deb's house with Rod, Lara and Jake ( all the way from Texas), family, Barry/Carl. Michelle and Jolene. Another great day!
Love Suzanne, a cancer survivor