Communications fm Carl/Barry...

Hi... I am Carl/Barry and I am typing as Suzanne dictates. These are her words. She is just too weak to focus and think about exactly how to make the keyboard work.

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It has been a long time since I kept you up-to-date, reason being this chemo has REALLY taken a toll on me. Each day I seem to get high fevers at various times, must have someone with me now, because I never know when the fever will arrive. So, each day I thought I would get better and would write the next day. Fact is, I have not. My CA125 is at 650. When I had surgery my CA 125 was at 1200.

It all seems to have steadily gone down-hill since my CA125 hit 110. No rebounding, no sense of recovery any day. So, the doctor says "This chemo is not working... we can try another one" and I'm thinking all the while "my clock is ticking". Last Thursday she told me I had 6 - 12 months left. I will not go on chemo. This is no life. I would rather die a natural cancer death with hospice than to endure what these last weeks have been...and for nothing.

So what am I going to do ??

I'll tell you. I am delving into all of my research ... and I am going to find an alternative. The medical doctors are offerring me nothing.

Younger son Rodney & his family will arrive next weekend fm Austin for a week's stay. Before he departs he will help me relocate to Deb & older son Joe's house, to enable my condo to be shown at any time without disturbance.

I guess what I've have learned this week is that doctors cannot (don't?) get personally involved. They have too big a case load... too many people they are seeing. For their own protection, they must remain "outside the loop" and do not become personally involved.

For a few days, I made the mistake of allowing my doctor to direct my thoughts.
I have learned this week that you cannot allow ANY human being to take away your hope.

Love... Suzanne

Chemo recovery

Last thursday I went in for my 2cd try at Chemo. This time they would try a "sister" to the other chemo. No way...did not work. Same reaction. Only this time they let me rest and gave me another chemo "Gemzar" which my body did allow. After 24 hours I got a fever and hurt, bones hurt, feels like the flu. That lasted for 24 hours all together, so not bad. I stayed at Joe and Debs house. I will go back again this thursday for another treatment. At least I know what to expect.

Carl/Barry and I have been planning a trip to Florida for a Navy reunion for more than a year. So now I am trying to figure out how I can get my treatments and still go. It may be possible to get a treatment here, go to Florida, do the reunion and then go to Kaiser in Georgia. I will be working on that this week.
My iron is very low and they are giving me a bag of iron at each chemo. This type of low is not the type that can be fixed with the good ole iron pill. Now I know why I have felt unusually weak and cold really cold. Yes, even thou it has been cold weather here, I have had to really bundle up with long underwear, and knit caps.

My hair is really short and flat to my head, but it all may be bald in 2 weeks or so. If that happens then I will hit the tanning booth. What I see about bald women is that they loose their hair and their head stays white. It does not have the skin tone the rest of the body does. So I will tan that head and shine it up!
I am STILL in this fight and am STILL researching any cancer cure method that comes my way.
One thing I have learned about Cancer cures, is that everyone who has cancer whants one. So there are plenty of fakers out there with beautiful webs sites and heart felt testimonals. Many times it hard to know whats real and whats not. And maybe a few people have been healed/cured from that method because there are people who are sent home to die, who change nothing about their life and still live.
With love, Suzanne a cancer survivor

First chapter, getting to Yalapa

I was to leave on Alaska Airlines in SFO in time to arrive in Puerta Vallarta at 3:30pm. Well that didn't happen.

My son, Joe was to meet me in P.V., he forgot exactly what time so got to P.V. airport at 1pm. There he was waiting, looking for his mom. Only info at P.V. was flights going out (remember this is Mexico style!) Who could talk English? Imagine the panic he was experiencing, where was she, what had happened. He called Deb, his wife "did you hear anything? Did mom get on the plane? Finally at 6pm I rolled thru the gate (in a wheel chair, friends if you think you need it-GET IT, so smooth). He was REALLY happy to see me.

We are to take a ferry to Yalapa, a small village 45 min south of P.V. To start, my vision of a ferry is the Sausalito ferry that goes back and forth to SF. WRONG, a ferry in this case is a large size row boat with a motor. Holds about 16 people max.
After a 30 min cab ride to where the ferry dock is...hmm...too late, last ferry left at 5:30pm. So here we are, DARK, crowded streets. no hotel rooms and no ferry... the only way to get there. Joe tells the cab driver, stay here and goes to the dock.

Old guy in charge says, nope there are no private boats, nobody has gas. Joe presses him. I NEED to get there tonight. No way, he says...well it will cost a lot. Joe says how much, old guy says , maybe $300 (thats right, american not mexican-this ride is usually $10 each) Joe says OK-lets do it! Old guy says, Oh I got no one who will. Joe scrambles on down the dock asking every Mexican he sees who looks like he has a boat. Finally one guy says yes, but I have to go get gas. He comes back with his gas-DIVES into the water and swims out to his boat. he brings it to the dock, loads our luggage on top of the wet life vests and Joe and I sit on top of our luggege. Mind you it is pitch black. We hang on as we pound our way thru the rough waters. After 30 mins the boats pulls up to an area that is not Yalapa and driver asks another Mexican "where is Yalapa"? Joe is yelling, "we need to go further". Did I mention this was a boat that usually only goes in circles in the bay pulling people on a bannana board? They have been to Yalapa, but only in the day light.
Finally we arrive and the driver asks "where's the dock?" Hmmm Joe says they usually beach the boat while people climb out. Driver says No Way, not his boat. So we find a dock that was built last year except it was built too high from the water (remember, Nexican style). Joe jumps out of the boat onto a pipe sticking out and pull himself up onto the dock. The Mexicans throw our luggage onto the dock. Now the thrill..,"Mom, jump on the pipe and pull yourself up onto the dock". This is NOT going to happen. As I TRY, I hang onto the pipe and the boat is pulling back and forth, the waves up and down. And can you imagine my son says "Mom you have to-suck it up!!"
My body just can't move like a 35 year old. After many, many tries, they turn the boat around and I climb onto the front and go for it. There I was hanging onto the pipe with my knees on the pipe. Joe gets his arms around under my arm pits and the Mexican drivers grab the seat of my pants and PUSH. I made it. Like a beached whale lying on the dock. We scramble thru the dark rock pathway to the hotel office to pick up our keys. This was a "surreal experience". And if any of you go to Yalapa, it will probably not happen to you. What a way to start! However we were glad-really glad to be there in the safe, calm protection of Yalapa.

Click...click...click

As I sat at my computer early this AM I heard the girl next store come down her stairs. Annie and I share a common wall. I am in a stacked condo project. Her living room is on top of my office. She also has about at least 40+ stairs from the street to her living room.

I heard her heels hit the floor (hard wood) and down her stairs. What a magical sound it was. I remember the days of the high heels ( for me)and the femine sound they make. Oh, how I loved those days. I never thought those days would end.
So for you gals that can still strut your stuff and click those heels...DO IT.
Love, Suz , a cancer survivor

Friends...

I am sorry I have left you all hanging. I want so much to share with you the wonderful experiences (and funny!) of Yapla. For those of you who are mothers, the heart felt love of being with my son was spiritual and one of my best experiences. However I just am having a hard time getting my mind organized and strong.

And then...
Today Friday I went for my first chemo treatment at Kaiser. Everything was going well with the anti nausea medication and then they started the chemo (Taxol and carboplation)and I had a strong reaction. Frightening experience. They had warned be that once in a while it happens. A feeling of nasuea and pain in my stomach that I have NEVER experienced. It felt like my throat air way was cutoff, I couldnt breath. They put oxygen on me. After 2 mins (felt like 15) things cleared out.
They sent me home and I slept. I will go back next friday for another type of chemo.
My friend Michelle will be with me ( Carl/Barry is at a trade show)

My CA125 is now 297. In a 2 week period it has gone from 110 to 149 to 297. This is NOT good. The tumor must be stopped from growing.
More to come when I can.
Love Suzanne, I have not lost faith. I am still a cancer survivor.

Back from Ylappa

Magical, exotic, simple, somewhat primitive. All the basics you need. Healing, peaceful, a surrounding that gave me a full sense of my power and the real person who resides inside this skin. Left me peaceful, hopeful, loving and able to do what is needed to reclaim my health.
There is so much that happened. I will write to you in chapters.

Break new subject...
Ct scan came back with a report that there are 2 spots on my liver and a spot on my pelvis. This is serious. I will start chemo on friday.

My phone calls will be limited. Today monday will be spent quiet. I will cry ( it is GOOD to get it out)and pray.
I still have my ATTITUDE, and I am still in the fight,
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivior.