Dear Friends,

This is Suzanne's daughter-in-law, Deborah. I regretfully am writing to inform you that Suzanne past away last Wednesday, May 9th at 3AM.

As most of you know, Suzanne was living with Joe and I and on hospice. She had a very rare form of Ovarian Cancer and was a courageous fighter and survivor until the very end. She died peacefully and seemingly pain-free in her sleep.

Per Suzanne's wishes, she will be cremated and her ashes will be distributed over the Golden Gate Bridge. We will hold a memorial service in celebration of her life this Friday, the 18th. There will not be a viewing.

Please do not send flowers. Instead, if you would like to contribute something in her honor, Suzanne's charities of choice were the Make a Wish Foundation and American Cancer Society.

Suzanne's contagious laughter, her adventurous spirit and her deep passion for life will forever be in our memory and in our hearts. Please join us in saying a special prayer for her today.

This will serve as the last post to this blog. If you need to reach us, please send an email to debvfields24@yahoo.com

Peace and Love to all,
Joseph, Deborah & Rodney & Lara

Dear Friends,

There comes a time when you have to face the facts and as much as I have been fighting, these last turn of events have really set me back. Last I wrote you I had my first drainage and since then had a second drain as well as a surgical procedure. The procedure involved not only drainging me, but also inserted a cathader to allow self-drainage at home. I am pretty much spending my days and nights in bed. It is painful for me to move, breathe, and eat. I feel weak. I have a call into hospice to see if they can help me manage my pain and am waiting to hear back from my new nutrutionist (she has been consulting me for 2 weeks now). Please know that I am not able to respond to emails and if you need to reach me that you can call my cell phone.

Recovery from a procedure

When I went to kaiser last Thursday the doctor said it was too soon to put a perm tube in me. They took the area on my lower right side, sorta by your hip bone and inward . There they shot me 4 or 5 time with Novocaine to numb me. Then they pushed a needle type tube in me. All Icould say was "pressure pressure pressure" This was no walk in the park. attached to this needle was a small pump. I was able to watch what came out-UGH!
Think about the size of a giant coke bottle-well I filled 2 1/2 of those=2 1/2 liters. was a brown amber color. The doc says it is fluid that is being created by the cancer tumors.
He wants to see how long it will take me to fill up again-OH whoopee!

I have been weak and have stayed in bed most of the time. Much pain..
my helper is here to day and I hope that I can get back on track and get stronger.
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

UGH ! ! !

For the last 2 weeks I have felt pressure building in the area below my navel. I didn't think too much of it. I kept an eye on it...however these last few days I had to face it. I was looking as if I was pregnant and was having some pains and lots of pressure.
Today I saw my internist and had a sonogram. Results show I have "ascites" and the small cyst or tumor on my pelvis is 3x's what it was in late December.
I am waiting for a call from Kaiser Walnut Creek surgery. I will have surgery in the next 2 days. Sounds like in/out surgery. They will insert a catheter type tube in my stomach. They will then teach me how to drain the fluids off.
The fluids are created by the cancer tumors.
This is not the news I wanted. yet I must deal with it.

I have also hired a friend to be my caregiver each day from 11 to 4 M-F I knew I was not keeping up with my supplements and I needed more juicing . This will allow her to support me to stay steady to my alternative process.
Of course at this moment I am off EVERYTHING until I get this tube in me.
I wish I was making steps forward and feel sad. I AM NOT giving up-I am still a fighter.
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor
'

month of transitions...a test of faith and emotional strength.

Hi friends, much has happened this last month:
* 8 year relationship breakup
* Moved to Joe and Deb's
* Started alternative health program
* All personal belongings out of condo
* Condo sold

"The birds in the sky would be sad and lonely if they knew I lost my one and only."

The parting of ways with Carl/Barry has been painful. He was my rock and I love him. We had ups and downs over 8 years-mostly UP times! We had fun, we laughed, we traveled and we share colorful rich memories. I grieve for the relationship. Yet, I know my life was drastically changing and Carl/Barry's was flourshing. We were going in 2 different directions. I couldn't get well enough, fast enough to keep up. I still love him, you don't stop loving overnite. I will always hold a special place in my heart for him.

The move...
Day by day I brought over a few things to Joe and Deb's. Slowly setting up the room to be "my room". Moving into one room only allows for the essentials. It has become pretty black and white what goes to the new home and what goes to Salvation Army. Soon my room will be set up. I still have boxes of stuff piled high. In time it will get sorted thru and I will find a place for it.
It is a peaceful room - I am clear I am here to heal.
Joe and Deb have been wonderful with "open arms". Willing to do "whatever it takes" for me to follow thru on my alternative healing methods.

Alternative health program
I am under the care of Dr Lee a naturalpathic doctor(she). I also still have the support of Kaiser doctors. I am following what is called "The Kelly Method" It was created many years ago and has helped thousands of people. The medical community does not talk about it and it is kept off the radar screen. Doctors know medical stuff, they dont really have the time to research other ways of curing/healing. Beside's I read its against the law for a doctor to heal someone without using phamacutical drugs ( I know, hard to believe).
This program is challenging to say the least-OK-it is really hard to do. However it is better than chemo. So each day I take it step by step.

I would say being on chemo made me a victim-I had no control. The chemo took over, made me sick-really sick. Until the chemo got out of my body, I was at the mercy of the effects.
While "The Kelly Method" is a full contact sport. I am in control. I am choosing each day to follow these rigerous rules.
Here is a sample of my daily schedule:
*8am urine test
physical therapy exercise for hip and leg
turn on infared sauna
take 30 supplements
*9am 45 min sauna-15 min shower
*10-11:30am coffee enemas (from this point on know as COFFE DELIGHTS)
*11:30am breakfast-14 raw grain ceral plus blueberries (yep, tastes like glue!)
26 supplements
*12-1:30pm FREE TIME-14 supplements
*1:30-2:30pm 16oz of fresh greens thru the juicer with 3 tablespoons RAW LIVER (you
read it correctly)
20 supplements
*3-4pm FREE TIME
*4-5:30 coffee delights
*5:30pm 14 supplements
*6:30pm prepare dinner, choice of special orderd salmon or grass fed beef ( yeah!)
and tons of vegtables
25 supplements
*7:30pm FREE TIME
*9pm 45 min sauna-15 min shower
10 supplements
*10pm Make coffee for next day coffee delights, grind 14 raw grain ceral and mix
with water for next day breakfast
7 supplements

It is mind boggling to keep up with it all. I am still in the process of getting organized. I will be bagging my supplements so it will be easy to grab. A bag in the morning, a bag before breakfast, a bag for breakfast etc.
If I have questions along the way, Dr Lee is available.
Each day, step by step-its not easy! Good thing I am strong and want to fight for my life.

Clearing out the condo
2 weeks ago I met with Karen T and Cathy Z fron Coldwall Banker. They had high hopes that my condo would sell. They felt the market was changing. This was on a tuesday night and the next sat there was a crew of people working at my condo. We needed to get everything out, except staging pieces. Rugs up and out, small pieces of furnature, decorating accessories collected along the way. We had to do it, the house would go on the market in just a few days.
It was very stressful, emotional and exhausting. Friends say, "do you want this? do you want that?". Having to make snap decisions...seeing thousannds of dollars spent over the years on beautiful clothes...watch them go out the door to goodwill. I have no need for them now, I am in a healing mode-I have a NEW story.
Joe took a full truck load of stuff to the dumps and a full truck load to Salvation Army.
It was the end of the day and Salvation Army was going to refuse-we cant take any more today. The manager took a walk around the truck and said OK-last load today-NO MORE! ( he saw there was some good stuff)
As Joe drove away he looked in his rear view mirror and saw 2 workers opening bags, talking excitedly and both piled 2 hats on their heads. They had big smiles.
That made my day.

Condo sold
Only 3 days on the market. The buyer needs in NOW, he is staying at a local hotel. No problem deal done . Sat we pulled out all the staging furnature. Some to Salvation Army and some had been sold. It will most likely close on thursday . Finally that chapter is closed.

Change is hard. In my head I know I am doing the right thing-following the right path. I had to let go of my attachment to "things" - "stuff"-"money". While I had the choice to choose what to keep, many people dont have that option. Think about what it is like to have your house burn down, or a tornado tear your house apart. All of your "family pictures" and of your"stuff" GONE.

I am grateful for all of my family and friends. While I may be the front runner with the torch fighting for my life...I have many around me, staying right there with me.
Love, Suzanne , a cancer survivor; transformed by the challenge

Wonderful week and feeling stronger ! ! !

Recovery from chemo was REALLY tough. Never again. Each day a little chemo leaves my body I feel better. I no longer have fevers and I AM stronger.

Rod, Lara, Jake and Aaron stayed for a week and it was just what I needed. All of us staying at Joe and Debs house. To be able to hold my new grandson ( 6 weeks old) and see how Jake ( 2 years old) has grown really made my heart BIG. Being all together, helped make me stronger, giving me the will to fight-fight-fight for recovery.
It was a big trip for them with all the suitcases and gear, a small baby and an entergetic toddler. I am so grateful they came out.

I have made my mind up on an alternative cancer treatment. I believe I told all of you about The Moss Report I ordered back in October 2006 . It is 500 pages on only Mixed Mullerian Tumors, written by a cancer researcher. Dr Moss has been doing this for 30 years, he covers every angle on what is offered, from tradition chemo, clinical trials and alternative therapies.
I have read all the material, yet was not sure what I should do. I resolved that by booking a phone consultation directly with Dr Moss. I asked him for his top 5 recommendations of treatment. His #1 recommendation was pancreatic enzine therapy.

I had already been interested in this. I researced and read about a doctor in New York who specializes in this. Many people use this therapy when it is their last hope ( thats where I am) and have excellant results. Dr Moss said there were other professional's who do this therapy, and had reccomendations. I have engaged a naturalpathic doctor who is going to guide me through the process. It will take alot of effort and hours of my day...I can do this!
I am in the process of "moving" to Joe and Debs . That will be where I live. They have a lovely bedroom on the back of the house with french doors that open to a fountain, very peaceful.

Some of the treatments for this is doing a particular type of infra red sauna for 20 min 3 times a day ( Rod and Joe built the sauna this last weekend). Included is organic coffee enemas ( pulls the toxins from my liver and kidneys), those will be at least 3 times a day(takes at least 30 mins). Also taking up to 100 pills a day ( enzines plus suppliments), eating wild salmon, organic eggs, vegtables, nuts and seeds etc.
Each person has there own protocal designed from blood test results.

It all starts with customized blood tests. There are 4. Kaiser will not do these. I am sent kits for each test and I go to a local lab. They will draw my blood and overnite my blood to these various test sites. One test is to measure 7 different cancer tumor markers ( not just the ca 125). This test site is the only one in the world that performs this. Lastly will be a hair test. The doctor says I need to get all the chemo out of my body and also get ride of all the metal toxins and any other bad stuff. I need to get my body healthy so the enzines can work.

I am back at my condo to sort thru "stuff". Think about what is below your bathroom sink...none of that stuff can go. There is room only for essentials. This will take a bit of work.

Also to report is that Carl/ Barry and I have parted ways. I dont want to give you all the details. I feel sad, yet I am OK. I need only P E A C E in my life. I need every bit of my energy toward my healing process.
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

Communications fm Carl/Barry...

Hi... I am Carl/Barry and I am typing as Suzanne dictates. These are her words. She is just too weak to focus and think about exactly how to make the keyboard work.

==============================

It has been a long time since I kept you up-to-date, reason being this chemo has REALLY taken a toll on me. Each day I seem to get high fevers at various times, must have someone with me now, because I never know when the fever will arrive. So, each day I thought I would get better and would write the next day. Fact is, I have not. My CA125 is at 650. When I had surgery my CA 125 was at 1200.

It all seems to have steadily gone down-hill since my CA125 hit 110. No rebounding, no sense of recovery any day. So, the doctor says "This chemo is not working... we can try another one" and I'm thinking all the while "my clock is ticking". Last Thursday she told me I had 6 - 12 months left. I will not go on chemo. This is no life. I would rather die a natural cancer death with hospice than to endure what these last weeks have been...and for nothing.

So what am I going to do ??

I'll tell you. I am delving into all of my research ... and I am going to find an alternative. The medical doctors are offerring me nothing.

Younger son Rodney & his family will arrive next weekend fm Austin for a week's stay. Before he departs he will help me relocate to Deb & older son Joe's house, to enable my condo to be shown at any time without disturbance.

I guess what I've have learned this week is that doctors cannot (don't?) get personally involved. They have too big a case load... too many people they are seeing. For their own protection, they must remain "outside the loop" and do not become personally involved.

For a few days, I made the mistake of allowing my doctor to direct my thoughts.
I have learned this week that you cannot allow ANY human being to take away your hope.

Love... Suzanne