Communications fm Carl/Barry...

Hi... I am Carl/Barry and I am typing as Suzanne dictates. These are her words. She is just too weak to focus and think about exactly how to make the keyboard work.

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It has been a long time since I kept you up-to-date, reason being this chemo has REALLY taken a toll on me. Each day I seem to get high fevers at various times, must have someone with me now, because I never know when the fever will arrive. So, each day I thought I would get better and would write the next day. Fact is, I have not. My CA125 is at 650. When I had surgery my CA 125 was at 1200.

It all seems to have steadily gone down-hill since my CA125 hit 110. No rebounding, no sense of recovery any day. So, the doctor says "This chemo is not working... we can try another one" and I'm thinking all the while "my clock is ticking". Last Thursday she told me I had 6 - 12 months left. I will not go on chemo. This is no life. I would rather die a natural cancer death with hospice than to endure what these last weeks have been...and for nothing.

So what am I going to do ??

I'll tell you. I am delving into all of my research ... and I am going to find an alternative. The medical doctors are offerring me nothing.

Younger son Rodney & his family will arrive next weekend fm Austin for a week's stay. Before he departs he will help me relocate to Deb & older son Joe's house, to enable my condo to be shown at any time without disturbance.

I guess what I've have learned this week is that doctors cannot (don't?) get personally involved. They have too big a case load... too many people they are seeing. For their own protection, they must remain "outside the loop" and do not become personally involved.

For a few days, I made the mistake of allowing my doctor to direct my thoughts.
I have learned this week that you cannot allow ANY human being to take away your hope.

Love... Suzanne