How it all began-facing reality
When a doctor says "
you have cancer", you think you are hearing him talk. It really is like the movies where you see his mouth moving, you know he is talking in slow motion, however your head is exploding...you are in disbelief. It’s as if someone took a 2x4 and whacked you in the head-SHOCK.
Thank you friends, your support of prayers and concern is overwhelming. I want to keep all of you informed of my journey. I am a strong woman and I am going to fight this. I will be a survivor.
Here it is 3 weeks after hearing those words and my mind is still reeling (good reason to have someone with you for all doctor visits-they can take notes).
How it started:
I was back into my body building mode, working with a trainer, eating chicken breasts and etc. I was doing lots of cardio and I was making progress. And then I hit a 6 to 8 week period where I couldn’t lose a pound, no matter how I adjusted my diet program. My stomach stayed bloated and hard (yes, I thought it was all those sit ups!). I would feel my stomach and say "wow, those sit ups are working, if only I could lose this fat". I resigned myself to have a rounded tummy, thinking that when you get older you get a paunch belly. I was also going to the bathroom a lot. For work I usually I spend a lot of time in the car and carry a BIG bottle of water. I had to discontinue that. I couldn’t get to enough bathrooms. I excused it to the commercials you see on TV...gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, it was the aging factor I thought. My bowel movements were changing, but I thought this was because of the ""super food drink" I was using. I had some pelvis pain, but thought it was gas. Looking back I can see how it all ads up, however these things came one at a time.One night in bed, I was lightly tapping on my stomach, hmmm...this feels like a knot. I saw my GYN a few days later, she did a pelvic exam and says "don’t you feel this"? She was pressing on my left side ovary area. She says "this is the size of 15 weeks" (no I'm not pregnant; they measure the size by pregnancy weeks). She tells me don’t worry, I see this all the time, they are fibroid tumors. Sends me home for the weekend-I am out of my mind. It took 2 weeks to get an appointment for a sonogram. The sonogram confirmed it was fibroid tumors. I even had a second opinion from a respected Pleasanton doctor who recommended a lapryscopic hysterectomy. He says,” get it all out, you don’t need those parts any more. I thought yes that would be the best choice. Looking back, I know he would have done a biopsy first and that would have discovered the cancer. Kaiser thought different. I could not get Kaiser to agree to do this, they all said-15 weeks in size, nope way too big. I spoke to a GYN surgeon in Walnut Creek Kaiser, he said- maybe. Then after talking to me on the phone for 10 mins, said he had to check with some experts. 2 days later he leaves a message on my phone. "Suzanne, I think I talked to you last week and I checked with my experts, I won’t be doing your surgery, I will refer you back to your doctor (who does not do surgery) because you possibly have cancer-CLICK. Well, that was another out of my mind weekend. All while the clock was ticking for me.My doctor is going on vacation and tells me-"you will have to find someone in Hayward or Oakland to help you. No one in the diablo area will help you. Yes, I did all the work calling and calling (you know the call center) and I finally got to talk to a real nurse in a real GYN office in Hayward. She gave me an appointment for the next day and a pencil in for Aug 18 fibroid surgery.Dr Sam Young was kind, loving and attentive. He did a pelvic and says "wow, this has grown, it is no longer 15 weeks in size, more like 20 weeks, this is rapidly growing. I am going to order a CA125 blood test, if the numbers come back high, I won’t be doing your surgery, and you will see a specialist in Oakland".A few days later I am in the GYN Oncologist office in Oakland. He is looking at my CT scan and MRI. He says "very defiantly you have cancer...surgery will be next Tuesday". Believe me, there is not enough time, you make lists of what you need to do. SHOCK… big time. I stayed strong, however, I was a basket case on the inside, all the WHAT IF’S. Mentally starting to plan my funeral (I have found out this is common) and then feeling guilty about think that!My main rock was Barry, my best friend. Many of you may know him as Carl, because, his birth name was Carl Bayard Johnston, named after his father and family always called him Barry. He kept me strong. How was I to tell my children? It was very difficult. I wanted to be straight forward (as you know I am), yet I didn’t want to freak them out. I wanted to give them the best picture of my recovery.July 25. Barry, Joe and Deb (son and wife) go to Kaiser Oakland for a 9:30am check in. Surgery started at 12 noon, it lasted 6 hours. Recovery at 6pm for the fight of my life. I was in so much pain I could only shallow breath and not move at all. I can only remember saying "please help me" over and over. I was struggling to breathe, I wanted to sleep, but when I would sleep I would stop breathing. The nurses had a hard time getting my pain under control; it was a 10+ in pain. I really thought I was dying. I went to recovery at 6pm and finally at 10pm Barry, Joe and Deb stormed in. They would wait no longer. I felt their energy from yards away. It gave me strength. The nurse allowed one at a time to be with me. I remember Joe says "mom, wake up, breathe". I remember Barry and his strength by my side, made me want to fight, and I remember Deb's loving touch on my arm.I told them to leave I had to be alone to fight. I could spare no energy for anyone else.The nurse got an OK for more morphine and it took the pain down to a 5. Finally I had some relief. I was lucky, there were no beds open in the hospital. I stayed in recovery till 5pm the next day. I think it saved my life. I had a nurse at the foot of my bed all night. One of the nurses fought for me. The hospital called and said we have a room for Ms Robles, a middle bed in a 3 bed room. I heard her say "No absolutely not, you must do better" and slammed the phone down. An hour later I was wheeled into a private room. YEAH!!!The rest of my stay is a blur. Its not joke when they say you can’t sleep in a hospital. Some one came in at least every 4 hours to do something, take blood, do blood pressure, and check my IV.Something I learned was that when people visit, you the patient give your energy to them. You don’t try to...it just happens. So remember to keep your visits short, when someone is in serious condition.Now I am staying at Joe and Debs in Livermore for recovery. I am managing my energy. Some days I do too much and I have to back down and rest, in fact I am really tired most of the time. It was only the 25th that I was in surgery. I have a 12 to 14 inch incision from above my belly button all the way to below my pelvis bone. It is healing quite nicely and the swelling is going down.My other son Rod , his wife Lara and my grandson Jake came from Texas for a few days...wow, that really felt good.On Fridays August 9th, Barry will take me to a (famous) specialist at the Monterey Community Hospital for his opinion of what treatment I can do. On Thursday the 17th, I have a consultation appointment at Kaiser Walnut Creek for their thoughts on chemo. I am going to do chemo; the doctor could not get all the cancer.I will keep you posted as I go to each appointment and all that follows.To all of you reading this: I have every intention of living. I am fighting this monster. The only job I have right now is to get myself well. I have always done my jobs superbly. Remember this...facts are facts. It is the ATTITUDE that counts. My attitude along with your positive thoughts and prayers is going to make me the survivor I am.Love, Suzanne
Yikes!...body parts missing
Ok, so who cares! but I forgot to tell you WHAT they took out. I was amazed, and today I am feeling so much better. Its hard to imagine that July 25th I had such serious surgery. Missing parts...both tubes, both ovaries,all of uterus, appendix, most of cervix, and a fatty (YEAH! ) apron that hangs over your stomach. I have lost 15 pounds, which is great, however I can't spare any more and have to increase my intake. Hardly any of my clothes fit, thay hang like a sack. But I guess thats not a bad problem to have !! I went to a specialist today, friday in Monterey. I will report on that sat. I am way too tired Thanks. friends. I love your feedback. Suzanne
Stay tuned…
I had a bad night last night (Sunday). I am doing nothing today. I will report later. Love Suzanne
