News...BIG BIG News

Today I saw Dr Craig Gyory M.D., Orthopedic Surgeon at Kaiser. I was refered By Dr Ewing after he reviewed my recent bone scan. Dr Gyory looked at my scan and did a physical exanimation. He says I am a prime candidate for hip replacement...why did I wait so long? Well, I never knew that was what was wrong with my leg/hip/back. Doctors just kept saying yep you have degeneration and it will probably get worse. No one ever suggested a hip replacement. Those of you who have seen me ,notice how I limp and the pain I have been in. I am in pain ALL THE TIME. It goes from level 5 to 10, some days are better than others for no particlar reason. He is very busy and wont be able to do the surgery for 3 or so months, sooner if there is a cancelation. He says I will be very happy once I heal and am able to walk freely without the 4 prong cane. I guess July06 to July07 is about healing. I pray and look forward for "my life" to be back in order.

I also had a follow up with Dr Ewing. He felt "everything" and said it felt good, no bumps or lumps. We had a heart to heart conversation and he said in time my stress will ease away and confirmned that my cancer is terminal...its only a matter of time.
(and I thought, oh yeah? Watch me)

Funny as I sat in the nurses office waiting for her to weigh me ( I hate that, their scales always say I weight more than my home scale) it seemed like years since I sat there ( it has been 4 months). I looked at the bulliton board and read all the flyers, info on overian cancer, where to buy wigs, support groups ec. I remember how eager I was to read all of it, find out about all of it. And now in 4 months I have experienced all of it. Wig stores, support groups, books and reports on overian cancer, mixed mullerian tumors, clinical trials, chemotherapy, radiation. I really dont give myself credit for the miles of education I have gained.

While being in the hospital again is not something I look forward to, I do feel as if there is a light at the end of the tunnel regarding my hip/leg.back pain.

Today really took all my energy,,,AND ONWARD and UPWARD to my health !
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

YEAH ! ! ! CA125 is down to 24

Each month I get a blood test, CA125. That test measures tumor growth, or shrinkage. I have gone from 1200( at surgery) to 35, last month 27 and now 24. That is GOOD news.

Break new subject...

Last week I had my appointment with Michael Broffman at the Pine Street Clinic. He was full of information as to "Creative Oncology". He has a ton of resources regarding unusual cancer treatment, info on protocol cancer treatments in Asia. He also has information on supplements and herbs used to fight cancer and the reoccurance of cancer.
One book to read is The China Study, startling implcations for diet, weight loss and long term health. I have ordered it and it will go in my "have to read stack" (which is already getting unmanageable)

I have numerous reports to read from Michael on all these unigue treatments. Some are not available in the US, yet used in other countries successfully. These products can be ordered, if I choose to do that treatment.
He has changed some of the supplemnts I use. I am really happy that there are so many things I CAN DO to get my health back.
One of the supplements I have been taking is tumeric. He says that is good, except he would have me take a stronger formula "super curcumin extract with bioperine formula".
There is another treatment that when taken you smell like garlic, really STRONG garlic. He says it is taken for 30 days and most people would stay in the house. It must really be STRONG. If I need to do that I will!
There is also an informative site www.cancertutor.com. Lots of information on new cutting edge treatments, pills etc. for cancer.
I am feeling OK these days. Dr Stritter (patient advocate) told me 2 weeks ago that cancer hates exercise. So I have started back at the gym ( slowly) and hope to also build my stamana. I find that each day I need a nap. I long for the days that I can go power walking and lift those heavy weights. Funny, when people say enjoy and appreciate every day...I never realized when I was power walking and lifting weights that it could all go away. My hip is better because of this diet and supplements I am taking. Monday I have an appointment with a Kaiser doctor to discuss my hip problem-MAY be suggesting hip replacement. I am not ready for surgery again, too soon I think.
I notice that stress is really hard for me to handle. While I dont want for a stressful life, I would like to be able to tolerate a little more.

Now for the test! Thanksgiving, how do I celebrate with out eating all the "stuff" you usually eat. Remember I am eating only raw food (yes, it is getting tiring). I may have a bite of this or that. I am finding there are social events I dont go to because of my diet, such as a designer dinner with wine parings. Carl/Barry went and said the steak was like butter and the wines were excellant. When I come across situations like this or food I want to eat...I say to my self "you can go an eat and drink OR you can live". I know it seems extreme, well, what I am doing is EXTREME. I am fighting for my life. Remember all the "reports" say I have 6 months to 2 years. I cant wait to prove them all wrong. Some how, as I struggle thru this part of my life I have a sense that I will be helping other women. Dont know how yet, however it will come in due time. My guides (mom, dad, Cora and Zebra) tell me, be patient and take EACH STEP as it comes.
Wishing all of you a joyous Thanksgiving...I know mine will be. Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

Last journey with Dr Rossman

This time we took a trip inside my body to see if it was healing ( I know,I know,seems weird). As I navigated down looking at my heart, upper and lower intestines, reviewing the incision, everything looked good, clean, very healthy. There was one spot on my lower left side where it looked like it had been stiched and it puckered. Possibly it was where they cut 3 to 4 inches to remove cancer from out of my colon .

The guides,were my mom and dad, talking about forgiveness. My parents didnt have a warm and fuzzy relationship. My mom would make my dad wrong, or he just couldnt do it right and my dad avoided by working alot. Example: At 50 my dad starting cleaning his life up got involved with AA . My mom would say "well he use to drink with "those people" in the bar. Now he is in meeting rooms with "those people". She also kept track of the steps he was working on, and he just didnt work the steps correctly. My dad did spend alot of time at AA, where he was accepted for who he was, maybe that was his way of avoiding my mom.

They came to me and both of them said they were wrong and had forgiven each other. They told me that forgiveness is the next step in my development recovering from cancer. As a human I need to work on forgiveness, not for others, but for me. They said it is like a stepping stone walking path, take one step at a time. Also that I am not able to see 6 stones ahead (which, me being the planner, I want to). I can only see the stepping stone I need to work on. One step at a time. I need to complete the forgiveness process. ( I really would like to play leap frog and jump over this process)
I have made my "list" of people I need to forgive and each day I think of others to add to it. My name is at the top. I need to forgive myself for all the wrong decisions and hurtful things I have said. I need to forgive people who have hurt me and on and on.
I was thinking, so HOW do I do this? First, Dr Rossman suggested the book "Forgive for Good". I have started it (its a small paper back) and it is easy reading. The other way for me to forgive is to write each person a letter. A letter that in most cases will not be mailed. The letter to me will probably be pages long. Ever notice how hard we are on ourselves? Or at least I am...ah the strive for perfection.
This is an ongoing project and a KEY to my recovery.

Sorry friends it has taken me so long to post. It just seems that with streching, juicing, preparing raw food, exercise, research reading, naps, meditation and Dr appointments ( last count 7 doctors), well my days fly by. Many days are just the normal schedule and nothing new to report.

I do have more to tell you and will try to get it together soon. Its about my appointment at "The Pine Street Clinic" in San Anselmo. Really informative. Last month or so on the news I heard about dogs who could smell peoples breath and tell if they had cancer. This would be in the VERY early stages before it could be detected by western medicine. These dogs are at the clinic. Michael Brossman said that they respond differntly for various forms of cancer. The dog would sniff and then lay down, or put up a paw etc. The dogs reaction would demonstrate what type of cancer was there. They are not ALWAYS correct, but wouldnt that be helpful in heading off the cancer? YES!
More to come...Love, Suzanne a cancer survivor.

Is this my imagination at work?

My 2cd "trip" with Dr Rossman was easier than my 1st. I relaxed and was ready for my next learning lesson. In this session I would discover a boss I had, her name is Cora. I worked at her beauty salon. She was a great spirited lady who was older than most of us and she loved to throw parties at her weekend house at the delta.
Here she was by my side, here to help me heal. Cora is a wise spirit. She says I need to be open to all ideas-in the spirit and earthly word to heal my cancer. I also must do due dillegence before I chase down the road of new treatments.

Also a zebra appeared on my left side ( I know goofy!). I have had the zebra come to me in dreams before. The zebra is about contradictions, the dark brown and white stripes. Should I do chemo or should I do holistic? The zebra says-pick one and follow it.
Dr Rossman says is your father there? No, however I did ask him to come and in a nano secound he was there. He told me to listen to what Cora had to say.
OK, so at the very end of my session I was given an assignment from Cora and my dad.
This assignment is hard, not something I really wanted to do. Am I capable of doing it, yes. Will I do it, yes.
The assignment is to list everyone I need to forgive. This is not just "BIG DEAL" forgivness, but any one I might have a smidgin (is that a word?) of anger toward. Geez's there is not enough paper in the world for this.
Cora and dad told me the forgivness is not something I have to do for the people I need to forgive. It is for ME. I carry the burden. They said I need to lift the load I carry, by listing and forgiving. And my dad said to start with my brothers...UGH !!! I wont go into the long story about them. I feel as if they were raised by a different family. They are both so different than me ( or I am different than them). One could easily have passed on, he was into drugs. The other was a VERY difficult personality. Both college graduates, yet lived uneducated lives ( one is proffessional paper boy). I have no contact with them and really dont want to open a can of worms by calling/writing to tell them I forgive them.
So I will do it for ME in a way that works for ME.
The first name on the list is Suzanne. I have so much that I need to forgive myself for.
This is a heavy duty assignment for me, however it must be done.
Love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor

TOOOOOOO Busy!
I will report on my appointment with Dr Rossman on Sunday. I have so many loose ends to tie up. Sat Carl/Barry and I are going to a special event at Skywalker sound. The event is "Behind the Sounds, Behind the Scenes...A Morning at Skywalker Sound"
That should be fun and educational. I will tell you all about that too! love, Suzanne, a cancer survivor