Courageous and strong people also have a weak /feeling lost side to them
I have to admit to you all that the last few days have been emotionally low...really low. While I present myself as up beat and positive ,I am MOST of the time. This journey is hard, really hard. With my right leg swollen and hard to bend and walk, I notice there is pain, a tenderness on my right side groin area. Right side ovary position. I dont know if that is where they cut and stiched part of my colen and it has unraffeled, OR the cancer had come back and grown in that area. Something is going on. The doctor says if/when the cancer comes back it would be in the same area ...which is my LEFT side.
I had a CT scan Friday at 5pm. Technition says results wont be back till probably wed. I will be in Mexico with my son Joe and with out much phone access. And do I really want any bad news when I am down there?...NO I will leave a message for the doctor to call Carl/barry and he can make any arrangements needed.
I also tested my alkline level and it is only at 6 when I need it at 7.5. I have worked so hard at this alkiline diet, I have sacrifice so much to stay on it. It angers me. I dont know what else to do to get it there. That means cancer is winning.
I thought about hidding these feeling from all of you( after all its xmas time). I have gotten such good strokes for the courage I have. And right now, I dont feel like I have any courage. I feel like I am battling a monster that I cant handle, just way too big, too strong, I am being over powered.
Maybe I will look back on this and laugh. It's just there have been so many bumps in the road that right now I am feeling damaged.
So I go thru my paces, on the verge of tears most minutes. Again I am face to face , eye to eye with my mortality. I have so much more I want to do.
I never realized what it REALLY meant when some one says"Sez the day" "dont wait-do it now" Well here I am having so much I want to do and not sure it is going to work out.
Yesterday I was watching people walk. Do you realize what a GIFT it is to walk? Since I can only walk short distance (with pain) I look at walking and say "gees, if I could walk like that again". It is just a given, you get up, you get dressed, you go out walking. What a joy that would be for me.
Appreciate your walking ability, someday it may be altered like mine.
Love Suzanne, wondering if I will be a cancer survivor
I have to admit to you all that the last few days have been emotionally low...really low. While I present myself as up beat and positive ,I am MOST of the time. This journey is hard, really hard. With my right leg swollen and hard to bend and walk, I notice there is pain, a tenderness on my right side groin area. Right side ovary position. I dont know if that is where they cut and stiched part of my colen and it has unraffeled, OR the cancer had come back and grown in that area. Something is going on. The doctor says if/when the cancer comes back it would be in the same area ...which is my LEFT side.
I had a CT scan Friday at 5pm. Technition says results wont be back till probably wed. I will be in Mexico with my son Joe and with out much phone access. And do I really want any bad news when I am down there?...NO I will leave a message for the doctor to call Carl/barry and he can make any arrangements needed.
I also tested my alkline level and it is only at 6 when I need it at 7.5. I have worked so hard at this alkiline diet, I have sacrifice so much to stay on it. It angers me. I dont know what else to do to get it there. That means cancer is winning.
I thought about hidding these feeling from all of you( after all its xmas time). I have gotten such good strokes for the courage I have. And right now, I dont feel like I have any courage. I feel like I am battling a monster that I cant handle, just way too big, too strong, I am being over powered.
Maybe I will look back on this and laugh. It's just there have been so many bumps in the road that right now I am feeling damaged.
So I go thru my paces, on the verge of tears most minutes. Again I am face to face , eye to eye with my mortality. I have so much more I want to do.
I never realized what it REALLY meant when some one says"Sez the day" "dont wait-do it now" Well here I am having so much I want to do and not sure it is going to work out.
Yesterday I was watching people walk. Do you realize what a GIFT it is to walk? Since I can only walk short distance (with pain) I look at walking and say "gees, if I could walk like that again". It is just a given, you get up, you get dressed, you go out walking. What a joy that would be for me.
Appreciate your walking ability, someday it may be altered like mine.
Love Suzanne, wondering if I will be a cancer survivor
posted by Suzanne at
7:29 AM
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